So you think you’re a Nice Guy.

Back in September of 2007 I wrote a blog entry about the following topic (original post at www.limitedwhitespace.blogspot.com) due to the heavy percentage of "nice guys" that were in my life at the time. A year and a half later I'm in exactly the opposite position, surrounded now by male friends and lovers that are what most girls consider assholes… and rightly so in many cases. As effed up as it may seem to some, I'm perfectly content in this new situation, and have found that I love and respect these guys far more than any of the "nice guys" of my former acquaintance. I realize now that I'll take less patience or sweetness any day if I don't have to worry about sorting through the rose scented bullshit that most "nice guys" create for themselves because of their overwhelming lack of backbone.

So. To the nice guys out there – this post is for you. It is meant to help, not hurt, although I know it may sting a bit…

Ok- so here's the deal. In general I make an effort to reign myself in when it comes to making generalized comments on men and women and/or my relationships with them. Love is hard, and both men and women use each other in horrible ways. Whether you are single, or in a relationship, there is always something to complain about... But this entry is dedicated to the boys, and a phrase that has been used for too many years to validate and bolster the self esteem of your sex :

"Nice guys always finish last."

Really? That hasn't been my experience. My friend Ryan once said, "Why hate someone because of the color of their skin? That's ridiculous. If you got to know them I'm sure you'd find there's a lot more legitimate reasons to dislike them." This reminds me of most men. Why would a woman break up with a guy because he's "nice?" Once she gets to know him she'll realize there's way more legitimate reasons to not be with him than the fact he's such a great guy. During the past two years of my single life, this has consistently been the first cliché out of a guy's mouth when I tell him I'm no longer interested in dating. Unfortunately, my consistent response has been, "I know. You're right. It's not fair." I realize now that I took the easy road in those moments, and did nothing but help cement this lie in one more male mind. "Nice guys always finish last," is nothing more than a crutch that men use to excuse their reason for being single, and that women hide behind as a polite excuse for not being interested.

In my opinion, guys like to buy into this phrase for one main reason. Guys that are stereotypical "nice guys" (i.e. respectful, good listeners, sweet, traditional gentlemen etc etc) like to pride themselves on being nice guys so when a woman turns them down or breaks up with them, they are flabbergasted as to why ANY woman would turn down the ultimate prize that is embodied in his polo wearing, hair gelling, man purse toting, sensitive listening, well mannered self. While in this state of butthurt confusion, they always seem to fall back on the conclusion that women only want to be with assholes, and that is why they are not in a relationship. They are simply too good for one.

Call me crazy, but I have never in my life met a single woman who dumped a guy because he treated her "too well." However I've known many women, myself included, who decided they didn't want to be with a nice guy for very legitimate reasons. To be honest, what many guys thinks is nice is actually a lack of a backbone, opinion, and good old fashioned masculinity – not having a favorite sports team, never having been in a fight, never looking at a Playboy, and "not enjoying" beer does not make you a nice guy – it means you have more in common with most 50 year old women than you do to the dude in the bathroom stall beside you. Obviously, I'm generalizing and I certainly don't speak for all women. Just me.

The point of this rant is this - to all the "nice guys" out there - If a woman doesn't want to date you, guaranteed it's for some other reason than you're TOO nice. Please do her the courtesy of taking a moment of self reflection on what your problem may be before you accuse her of being an asshole chasing idiot.

Cheers.